Pixie Dollhouse: Claude Lorrain

Hey all y'all! Q & A time! "Where are you now?" is always a popular question posted by you, my devotees. Where am I? Let me think...Oh my God, where am I? Oh, right. Of course. Right now I am hunting. I am in some place, with some people and I am hunting. That is clear. I am still unaware what these people have hired me to hunt, but it is extremely clear that whatever it is I am hunting, I am hunting it very well. Another thing I am currently unsure of is what I am required to do upon finding the unspecified creature. But I am prepared nevertheless to hug, wrestle, remove the teeth of, or even make an intervention on the creature the minute I am formally asked to. I am paid well for these skills. Hold on. Right now Benny is asking to be fed. More accurately, he is rapidly poking me while pointing a finger toward his mouth. "Benny," I am now answering him, "if you're hungry, there's lunchmeat in the refrigerator, but unfortunately you can't eat it right now because you're not actually hungry."

As I was saying, I will continue to hunt and I will continue to be successful. (Though I will never shoot anything because hunting is not good.) But what about you? Do you know what I find interesting, as you bombard me with questions about my life and what I am up to, is that you have yet to disclose anything about yourself and all of your great accomplishments. What have you been doing? While I've been making out like a globe-trotting Alfred B. Nobel incarnate, have you invented or revolutionized anything? Nothing? Seriously? Okay, I am going to close my eyes and count to twenty and when I open them if you're not holding an abacus or a cell microscope in your hand I am going to find out your address and-Wait. Excuse me. Benny is now crying. I must go.

Scattered fondness,
Dr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey